


Shot in the Dark

by regularturtle



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Fluff, Gen, Humor, imagine the Xhorhaus but it's like... modern, it’s short but it’s CUTE i promise, vague mention of others - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-25 08:36:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19742062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regularturtle/pseuds/regularturtle
Summary: In which Beau tries to get Caduceus to drink something that isn't tea, and Caduceus doesn't understand how coffee works.





	Shot in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Can you tell I don't drink coffee? I had to look up exactly what espresso is for this. the lengths I go for my work...

“Yo, Caddy, get over here!”

Caduceus turned around, the neon pink plastic watering can in his hand leaking a few drops onto the floor. “Oh, oops.” He gave the houseplant he was watering a gentle pat on the leaf. “Sorry about the interruption, I’ll be back in a minute. What’s up, Miss Beau?”

From what he could see from his spot near the tall windows the living room, Beau was standing next to some shining metal contraption on the counter, as a dark liquid dripped into a small glass. “Nott got us an espresso machine, come check it out!”

He walked over to her, ducking slightly under the entryway to their group’s shared kitchen. It was nice to have an actual kitchen now, the fridge fully stocked with food that wasn’t jerky or hard tack—not that that stopped Beauregard from carrying pocket bacon everywhere she went. 

“Espresso machine?”

Beau grinned and picked up the steaming, now full glass. “Oh, you’re in for a treat, bud. Ever had coffee before?”

He glanced up in thought for a moment before shaking his head, long ears bouncing slightly. “I don’t think I have. I’ve always been more of a tea person.”

Beau handed the glass to him, its already minute size dwarfed by his hand. “This, Caduceus, is a shot of espresso. The purest form of coffee, in my humble opinion. Oh hey, Jester,” she said as the tiefling in question wandered in, “you want some?”

Jester scrunched up her nose. “No thanks, Beau. I pretty much only like those frappuccinos, they’re so tasty!”

 _”What?”_ Beau slammed her fist onto the counter, and oh, Caduceus would really have to make sure she would never crack it with those solid punches. “That’s not even coffee! You don’t get the flavor—“

“I don’t even really like the flavor—“

“Hmm.” Beau and Jester’s playful bickering faded into the distance as Caduceus raised the glass to his nose, taking a quick sniff, then recoiling. “Oh, that’s got a burnt smell to it. That’s interesting.” He lifted it up hesitantly again, swirling the dark, slightly viscous liquid around, and looked back down at Beau—even leaning against the counter as he was, he was still a decent amount taller than her.

“You said it’s a shot of espresso, right? I wasn’t a big fan of shots that time Nott had me try them, but if you think I’ll like this then I’ll give it a go.”

The squabbling came to an abrupt halt as Beau and Jester glanced over at him, looks of alarm on their faces.

“Wait wait _wait—“_

And before they could stop him, Caduceus downed the entire glass.

“Caduceus, what the _fuck—“_

The firbolg immediately started coughing and sputtering, the glass falling and shattering on the tile floor. His hands begin to radiate a gentle light as he raised one to his mouth and one to his throat— _cure wounds._

“That’s not how you drink coffee, Caduceus!” Jester dashed over to his side, her hands glowing slightly as well as she cast a healing spell of her own.

Beau grabbed a normal-sized glass from the cabinet and filled it with tap water before following Jester over. She began patting his back as the coughing continued, albeit less painful sounding after the two spells. “Seriously, what the fuck, dude, couldn’t you see how hot it was?” 

“Gods— _why don’t any drinks taste good?”_

**Author's Note:**

> it seems like every modern AU thing I write has a punny title... I’m not mad about it
> 
> although actually, I can’t remember if this is only the 2nd modern thing I’ve written? I’ve got one I’ve been working at for a while with vox machina, I’ll try to get that done soon-ish (aka, let’s be real, the next few months)


End file.
